Tips to Help You Navigate Change
Change can be a bitch. There are times where change can illicit the tiniest moments of overwhelm and grief and depression feel larger than life. I’m almost positive that sometimes, they’re going to swallow me up whole. If you know me, you know that I’ve just moved from California to TN. Left a network of humans that we love so deeply in an effort to place roots, buy property, and prioritize the simple things. Yes, as everyone keeps reminding us, “but you have family there”. Yes. We do. However, they’re an hour away from where we live. We had day to day contact with our family in CA and that makes a huge difference.
Granted, as much of a grown up adult decision this was, to move from the comfortable in an effort to put our family as a unit first, it doesn’t take away the hard. Change is hard the older you get because you get comfortable in ways and habits and places, but you also get more aware of risk and outcomes than let’s say in your early 20s. Now, at this age, with children and a spouse, there are more than just one heart on the line, there are others to account for.
Before we moved, I would often get made fun of that I would “never leave California”. And funny enough, the people that made fun of me were the same people that never left their small town or explored anything outside of the 2 lane town they grew up in. Ironic right? But it wasn’t California that was hard to leave. Yes it’s a beautiful place with so much to do like SO much, but for me, for US, it was the people. We don’t share blood, but they are family. Not having that day to day support is extremely rough. As a mother, there’s an added layer. I’ll tell you why.
The first, because you’re managing and regulating the emotions of young children and most often left with the edge of a few minutes to regulate your own. Disregulation is the root cause of so many layers of anxiety and depression. Motherhood lends itself little time to regulate your own emotions. Maybe for others this comes a great deal easier, for me…not so much. It takes a concerted consciousness to tune into how i’m feeling but to also address it in a health positive way. Between the constant talking, sounds, things to do, food to prepare, work, diapers, nursing, etc I mean you tell me…when in there does this regulation happen for you?
The second, change is hard in motherhood because the change is managed! Another thing on the list of things to do. Managing the change, the logisitcs of a move are quite strenuous. Packing while also attempting to live in the house you’re packing along side maintaining a routine for your little people, in between calls with the lender, the realtor, and D all of the above. It’s hard because managing these moving parts and keeping things balanced because if one thing slips through the cracks, it’s an added item to add to the fix it list.
Third, we go until we can’t no more. Ok by we I mean me. I’m we. I’m in the “I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine, I’m NOT fine” era. Learning when it’s time to just breathe and stop. Just stop. If I can remove something from my plate I absolutely will. If the kids are fed, clothed, and happy, can this thing wait? If everyones breathing and ok, can this be done now? Questions like that have helped me learn to slow down, but man, is this habit a learned habit or what. I can’t seem to believe we were meant to live in a constant state of movement. Our brains are meant to take breaks. Even our bodies need a break from digesting food, are our brains any different?
Let me share with you what I’m doing to move through these times while preserving bits of my sanity along the way:
Therapy. I’m seeing a therapist bi-weekly. This doesn’t mean I can’t talk to my friends or my husband, but having someone neutral without emotional investment to chime into your daily life is a game changer.
Journal: I’m not consistent with this, but I picked up an actual pen and paper and updated from 2020 to today and it was in so many ways cathartic. Highly recommend.
Nourishing my body: This is a MUST. And a whole other blog post will follow on how I dug my body into severe chronic stress, hypothyroidism, and adrenal burnout another time. Getting whole food veggies and fruits in your diet, good fats, and protein. Don’t make it complicated, but make it colorful.
Identify what brings you joy: Even the little things. Whether it’s your FULL skin care routine uninterrupted or taking a walk alone, or anything. If this “thing” or activity brings you joy that you got to make time for, it’s important to speak with your team (family) about these things and carve out the time to just do it. Everyone will be ok.
Move your body: I am a work in progress on this. I am home all day everyday day in and day out with my children. Most of the time alone… Once they’re in bed I’m not getting up to go get hyped and work out. Nope. Not happening. Not interested. Hard pass. What I have committed to though is moving my body when my husbands home, I’m working out. Whether it’s a walk or two or my at home workouts. Do I get to this every day? no. My commitment is 3 days a week. Even that is a challenge, but I’m trying.
We are all works in progress. Change and shifts are hard. Going from just a family of 2 to a family of 3 with a new baby, transitioning from 1 child to 2 and beyond is a major shift, and moving states, friends, families, villages, and jobs is another. Any change that you’re going through, be kind to yourself. Use discernment about how you navigate it and identify your support system if you can before the change is initiated. If you need help with any of these or have recommendations, please chime in in the comments. Let’s support each other.
XO, Gi